End of the TV Season

It is the time of year when most shows are ending for the summer...season finales. As a TV junkie, I love a good season finale. Most of us remember the ultimate cliff hanger of "Who Shot JR." For three months, we all had theories. This year the shows took another direction. They dealt with serious issues and many of them had sad parts. I wonder if TV is handling serious topics to show people that we will survive the chaos that is swirling around us. This week I had several conversations about why does it feel so overwhelming. I think it is because so many things are happening at one time and everything is happening so fast.

There is a lot of wisdom in TV and movies. I have a journal of quotes/speeches from shows over the years that have struck me. This week as I watched Gray's Anatomy (S18 Ep18), a character said the following:

"I always thought cancer was this thing you either beat or didn't. Like it was stupid puzzle and we just needed to find all the pieces. But I didn't realize that there was a third awful option, where you don't die but you don't get rid of it, you just live with it, waiting for it to get worse and praying that it doesn't."

Mom and I recently were talking after we participated in a lung cancer symposium. One of the speakers talked about her Mayo anxiety, where every time she went for her scans, she worried about the results. My mom asked if I worried and I told her no. Tonight we were talking and she shared that she does worry and probably enough for the both of us. I explained that for me, I wish for the best and believe that until they tell me differently, it will be fine. If it isn't fine, we will deal with it. It is bitter sweet because I hate that this cancer has caused so much pain for so many people but at the same time, I am overwhelmed with the love I have in my life. The fact that so many people care about me in an authentic way. I am so lucky, which is a funny thing to say with someone in my situation. I remember when I shared the news two years with my family and friends, I told everyone not to go online, not to read about my disease, and not to read about the prognosis. This scene struck me because it is so true. When I had cancer as a child, I had therapy, surgeries, and radiation. We beat the cancer. It went away and in five years, I was in remission and then year after year, I thought about less and less. We had beat the cancer. This time it is different. Every three months, I go and we see if the prayers are answered that the cancer is stable. When my physical well being changes, like coughing more or elevated heart rates, I do wonder about what is happening inside my body. I track the symptoms and what I am doing before it happens. My own science experiment. Before this, it just never dawned on me that they would say there was nothing they could do except try to give me as many years as possible and ensure I would be as comfortably possible. Those are scary words. I remember the day very vividly when this was told to us. 

On Million Little Things, a character had a new cancer appear and he began thinking about the things he might miss out on if the treatment does not work. I am determined to live as much as I can. I am confident I will help them find a cure to this cancer. I believe that if there is something that causes cancer then there should be something to cure it. I am still working beyond full time (I know no surprise to those who know me but I am working less than I used to so I call that progress), volunteering, and trying to be a strong social justice advocate for human rights. I do try to focus on my own self care, taking time to refresh both physically and mentally. This is often done in front of the TV or playing strategy games on my phone. Watch out world, I plan to be here for at least fifty more years.

For tonight . . . I'm just sayin' XOXO